


Will You Still Love Me When I'm No Longer Young And Beautiful?

by shelley_beans



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: 1984
Genre: 1984, AHS, American Horror Story - Freeform, Billie Lourd - Freeform, F/F, Montana Duke - Freeform, ahs 1984
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:08:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22250842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shelley_beans/pseuds/shelley_beans
Summary: Always and forever.No matter how many years.I'll always come back for you.Montana.
Relationships: Montana Duke/OC, Montana Duke/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	Will You Still Love Me When I'm No Longer Young And Beautiful?

A swift slap stings my arm. It’s like a car crash, you don’t want to look, but you still do it anyway. Green, sticky mosquito guts were spread across my hand.

“Fucker,” I muttered. Disgusted, I swiped the residue on my shorts. Me, even being the Washington native I was, never really had a leg up for battling mosquitoes. Back in pacific northwest my life was along the coastline, with nature being my specialty. Fishing, boating, and looking for wildlife that inhabits the oceans. It’s not like I expected this to be complementary to my experiences back at home. This was just an activity to get myself out of the house.

Leaves crunched beneath my combat boots as I trudged through the forest. Los Angeles was a dry wasteland that my lungs were not used to. The first months here I spent longing for a whiff of crisp, natural air. Which is why during the days I had some time for myself, I decided to get out of the city and drive out to the mountains. It was kind of a lengthy trip, but well worth the gas money for just a sliver of peace. My hips wiggled through some bushes where my self beaten path opened up onto a cabin surrounded by barren ground. By the amount of panels hanging off of the sides and the rust around the water spout, it was easy to tell that it had been abandoned for many years.

“Whoa,” I awed.

As tentative as I am, my feet trailed around, inspecting the front of the cabin. Guess “marching to the beat of my own drum” had sent me further out than I anticipated. The first thing that drew my attention was a sign, with writing engraved in the wood which was probably a bright yellow in its heyday, but now sunbleached.

“Camp Redwood,” I observed, “this was a summer camp?”

A twig snap made me spin around. My body not moving but the daggering of eyes and chest heaving. Who knows what kind of crazies liked to lurk around this place? If anyone was following me, I’d probably be toast. This trip was intended for a hike not a rumble. I briskly entered the cabin, figuring if anything that was out there, it’s going to know the technicality of a door.

Dust filled my nostrils with each breath upon walking in. Despite its withering wood, the place was a lot cleaner than one would think for an abandoned summer camp. Everything was neatly placed, but not like how the dishes being perfectly aligned in the underwater wreckage of the Titanic, even though they’ve been there for over one hundred years. No, this was recent.

“ _Maybe some people seek shelter here?_ ” I suggested to myself. And if that was the case, then I do not want to be intruding in their space. So, I wandered east of the property until I came across a dock. Looked like an old, gangly thing. The creak that sounded with each step on the wood was unsettling. Sturdy enough to hold my weight, though. My eyes squinted when a faint red stain sitting on the end of the dock caught wind of my view. I folded myself over only to find that it was something I had seen before.

Fingers rolled over the texture. “Blood?” I guessed.

Another snap tore my attention to the left. Blood flow pumped through my veins. There’s no way that was just a coincidence. For a few seconds nothing moved, and if anything was there, then it would have to make more noise just to emerge. Just as I was about to go inspect, a voice grated from behind me. The imaginary apparition to the left still puzzled me, but turning around a tall man with lean calves stood before me, twirling a knife in his hand.

“That’s blood alright,” he said, “and there’s a lot more where that came from.”  
Just to be impressive, he tossed the dagger up in the air before swiftly catching it. He couldn’t have been the one following me. Wouldn't make any sense, he came from behind.

As if I had much room to run, I backed up before my foot caught an uneven panel. The force slammed my back against the hard ground, panicking as he flamboyantly paraded towards me. This was exactly like every slasher movie I had ever seen. Normally I found humor in the idiots who tripped _just_ as the murderer got to them. But, look at me now. I’m the idiot.

Still, I crab-crawled as a desperate attempt to escape. When my arm grazed the water, it was an indication that I had nowhere left to run, unless I wanted to dive. The man’s posture slumped and he rolled his eyes before he straddled my hips and pinned my wrists down.

“Not much of a swimmer?” he condescended.  
“Argh!” I screamed, struggling under his strength.

The zipper from his jacket dangled in my face, flashing the knife under the sun and he pressed it to my neck. My body froze. One bad move and my throat would spill out on my own terms.

He manically chuckled. “Looks like you won’t ever be.”

One last deep breath as the blade came down. I shut my eyes bracing for impact, until husky, yet feminine vocals boomed from the right, “Xavier!”  
The both of us positioned our heads to a girl stomping towards the scene. She was petite, probably no older than twenty-two, with bright volumized hair. Full attire seemed to be lots of cheetah print, but all I could really see was the tattered ebony cowboy boots. With a violent hand she grasped Xavier’s face, slightly giving his weight off of my body.

“What the _hell _do you think you’re doing?” she asked.__

__He swat the girl’s arm away. “Are you serious? It’s been years, Montana! I can’t kill just one?” he whined._ _

__The girl, presumably Montana, shoved him. Her stance seemed polar opposite to Xavier: nothing that screamed “murderer”. Not to mention she seemed to have known the guy for some time, given the way they spoke to each other._ _

__“We all agreed to stop hunting down the people who step foot into camp. Remember that?” Montana snarled.  
Xavier pocketed his knife complemented by a generous eye roll. “You’re no fun anymore,” he mumbled, irritated.  
Meanwhile, I had still been laying down on the dock using my elbows to prop myself up, carefully watching the conversation take place. Montana had noticed and strode past Xavier towards me._ _

__My emotions were pretty stable at this point, but I was still heavily confused. _It’s been years? Agreed to stop hunting? Was I having a fever dream or did I just cheat death?_ She crouched down, batting big brown eyes at me. It could have been the ring of blushy blue eyeshadow surrounding, but for some reason they calmed me. Almost as if nothing else was around us and I had just fallen into an abyss or something. Guess that’s the theme for today, _falling_. Roll credits._ _

__“You okay?” she honeyed, “Looked like it hurt hitting your head like that.”  
After offering me a hand, we rose to our feet. The way her lips plumped when she smiled and her gentle gaze was enough to keep me from bolting off right away. I replied, “It’s not so bad.”_ _

__“Sorry about Xavier.” Montana cocked her head behind. “He’s a little bit of a hot head.”_ _

__Doubtful, I replied, “I guess hot-headed is another good term for attempted murder, sure.”_ _

__My comment made her laugh. She unwillingly grabbed my hand and paced us a couple of steps off the dock. “See, she’s funny!” she called to Xavier, who was kicking pebbles with his chunky shoe._ _

__“Yeah, yeah, she’s rad. You’re _always_ right, Montana,” he replied sarcastically, arms crossed. _ _

__“Oh, bag your face, you baby,” she supplied in return._ _

__They stood next to each other, facing me. Cautiously, I studied them. Outdated shoes, outdated hair, makeup, jewelry. The fact that Xavier just used the term “rad”._ _

__“So tell me, hot shot,” Montana took a seat on a stump, “what brings you to Camp Redwood?”_ _

__“A hike,” I replied._ _

__Xavier gutted from the back of his throat. “Like that’s one we haven’t heard before.”  
Briskly, Montana chucked a nearby stick at Xavier, prompting a shrug like he did nothing wrong._ _

__“A hike,” Montana repeated, “I bet you have some stellar calves.”_ _

__The suggestive way she bit her lip after she made that comment caused me to smirk. No girl had ever looked at me that way before, which signaled a rumble of warmth in my stomach. She strolled her way up to me, admiring the manner in which her hips moved._ _

__“Oh barf me up,” Xavier chimed in._ _

__Montana spun around. “You don’t have to be here, you know.”_ _

__“Pft,” he mumbled, before going back to pacing. Montana rolled back around to me, sweetly smiling._ _

__I glanced around the camp. “Do you guys come here a lot?”_ _

__“Come here? Ha, honey we live here,” Xavier said._ _

__“You guys ...live here?” I asked._ _

__“Yep,” said Montana, “Since 1984.”  
I offered a little uneasy chuckle, thinking that maybe this whole ordeal was just a joke. California heat must be giving me hallucinations. Perhaps these two are just really into living in alternate decades? Cosplay? Whatever it was, I wasn’t even close to finding a sensible make up. It was just so… casual? Xavier almost sending a knife through my chest and then proceeding with Montana explaining that they think they’ve been living here for, what, thirty-six years? Sounds like the recipe to a 48-hour psychiatric lockdown to me. Gotta give them credit, though. They did adequately nail the clothes._ _

__“Unique sense of style,” I observed, “It reminds me a lot of the 90s.”_ _

__“Oh, god,” an offended Xavier chimed in from behind, “I knew we should have just killed her.”_ _

__“Shut up!” Montana hissed at him._ _

__“Ugh, whatever. This is fucking boring. Why don’t I just go play checkers with Bertie?” Xavier said._ _

__“Yeah, _why don’t you_?” she spat._ _

__Shooing him off, she wrapped an arm around my shoulder. Only slightly she leaned into me and said, “Listen, babe. You’ve heard of the 1984 Return of Jingles, right?”_ _

__“That’s not what we agreed to call it!” Xavier shouted, distancing away from us._ _

__“Fuck off, Xav!” she screamed after him._ _

__My eyes darted around her face. “Return of Jingles?”_ _

__“What!?” she exclaimed, “You don’t know about all of the massacres that took place here?” Montna crawled her fingers across my shoulder. “All of the _bloody, gory_ massacres.”_ _

__Funny, before today that sentence would have freaked me out coming from some sketchy, yet super seductive girl I had never met before. Also I was about 0.5 seconds away from getting chopped up like butcher meat and currently hanging out with what I assume to be a mentally unstable decade crusader. But, you know. Twenty-two years old and still learning everyday._ _

__“I’m from bumfuck Washington state,” I joked in response to her question, “I’m lucky if I can keep up with the Kardashians.”_ _

__Montana pressed her eyebrows. “Who?”_ _

__Puzzled, I stepped away from Montana. I snorted, “You know: Kim, Khloe?”_ _

__“Has it been that long?” Montana whispered to herself._ _

__Shaking my head in disbelief, my mind questioned whether or not something is going on at this place. “What?” I pressed._ _

__Montana peered off into the woods before looking me in the eye and saying, “What year is it?”_ _

__I hesitated, “It’s 2020.”_ _

__“Holy shit,” she mumbled, her expression turning blank._ _

__Granted, none of this really making sense, the way Montana looked right now made me feel for her. After all, she did just save me from being slaughtered down to a million pieces. If I wasn’t already in too deep now, then what’s a little digging going to hurt? Not to mention, she had an alluring personality, so what good is taking off when I could get to know her. I offered a gentle hand on her shoulder, her fringed neon blue leather jacket. My fingers felt around it a bit. _Shoulder pads_. Truly, it felt weird, but Montana deemed worth it to me._ _

__“Are you okay?” I asked seeking answers, “for real?”  
It also doesn’t hurt to pry open, whatever this is, in case I’m completely dumbfounded about the whole trust thing and really am about to die in this abandoned camp.  
A strand of her hair flew up as she huffed. “I’m not crazy, you know. There really was a massacre here.”_ _

__“So?”_ _

__She paused before sighing, “C’mon. Let me show you something.”_ _

__Taking my hand, Montana led my through the camp. My mother had always told me never to talk to strangers. Everyone’s parents do at some point in time. The tricky part is knowing when to trust your judgement above theirs. My time had to have been now seeing as I was aimlessly following a girl I had just met through an imitation Hunger Games arena. Can’t believe it was this and not the hypothetical old man with a lost dog and candy in his van._ _

__Montana had taken me to a cabin of her own, which was fixed up pretty nicely. The bed was unmade, cigarette butts dished in the glass bowl on the nightstand. You would have mistaken everything for a cheap-o apartment downtown. Montana sprung onto the bed and snapped me back in to Camp Redwood, grabbing an antique box full of stories. Her and I sat, fanning through various newspaper clippings. I was impressed by how much she had gathered. Everything was about what happened on these grounds. Every. Single. Death._ _

__The first massacre was in 1948 by a woman named Lavinia Richter, who ultimately cursed this whole place. Normally I don’t believe in goblins and ghosts, but I still was attentive to her words. She was a good storyteller, after all. Montana said that Lavinia’s blood tarnished the soil, trapping any soul that dies here._ _

__“It was called Camp Gold Star, then,” Montana explained, “Bitch was nuts. Almost killed her own son, too.”_ _

__“I thought Bobby died from the motor boat?” I quizzed._ _

__“Different son. She was so upset, thinking it was Benjamin’s fault. He would have died if he didn’t have the guts to kill his own mother.”_ _

___Jesus, no wonder this place is cursed_.  
Nodding, Montana continued to explain. My brain kept screaming at me that I was mental for not only following this stranger to her cabin in an abandoned campground, but also sticking around to listen to this whole curse thing. She sat with our bare thighs touching, trying not to mind the heat. Each time she leaned across my lap to point something out, it made my heart flutter. Despite having the potential of being a whackjob, I had to admit that she was beautiful._ _

__We moved on to the second slew of killings that happened in 1970 by a girl named Margaret Booth.  
“This bitch, also nuts,” Montana added, making me melt into a giggle, “She was the biggest psychopath to ever come through this camp. It’s said that the spirit of Lavinia whispered into Margaret’s ear to make her kill ten people and as a token, cut off their ears. Then, she cut off her _own_ fucking ear and framed Benjamin Richter for it. All of the papers considered it the worst summer camp massacre of all time.”_ _

__Briskly, I connected the dots in my head. “Benjamin Richter… but that’s-”_ _

__“Lavinia’s oldest son. The one who survived. He became known as Mr. Jingles after that,” Montana clarified._ _

__“Why Mr. Jingles?”_ _

__Montana blew up some theatrics on her face, inching toward me. “Because he carried a ring of keys around his belt buckle, and each time he walked you would hear… _jingle… jingle… jingle…_ ”_ _

__“Jesus,” I laughed out of disbelief, pushing Montana out of my face, “This is all so fucked up.”_ _

__“That’s not all,” Montana slid another newspaper onto my lap, “Allow me to introduce our main event. Summer of 1984. Night of July 1st, Mr. Jingles escapes prison to terrorize the camp.”_ _

__Looking at the news article, there were two serial killers roaming Camp Redwood that night. Mr. Jingles and someone called the Night Stalker. Seven people were killed, the newspaper listed off the names and pictures of the victims found within the campsite that year. _Chet Clancy, Ray Powell, Chef Bertie, Xavier Plympton_ … Wait, what? My eyes read over the name again. Could it be the same-? No, no, no, no. There was no way in hell this was true. I read the next name, anxiety flooding through my system. _Montana Duke_._ _

__Just to make sure I wasn’t having a stroke, I vigorously darted from the newspaper picture to Montana. _Identical_. _ _

__Her look was unsure. She feared me reading that last name and how I would react to it. To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure how anyone in this situation would react. There was no way of telling now whether or not this girl was telling some sort of alternate universe truth or pulling my leg just to see how gullible I was._ _

__Standing up, pacing the room, my mind went a million miles an hour. “Is this how you get off? Hm? You take the fact that you and your friend are doppelgangers of some people who have been dead for thirty-six years, waiting for the day someone stupid like me comes along so that you can live out your sick fantasy?”_ _

__“First of all,” Montana stood up, grabbing my arms to calm me down. “You’re not stupid. Second of all, Lavinia’s curse is real. I didn’t just make all this shit up.” Her eyes scowled at me, “As hard as it is to believe, I really am dead.”_ _

__I babbled, still stunned, “That doesn’t make any sense, though. You’re not dead. You’re standing right in front of me!”_ _

__She annoyingly sighed and rolled her eyes. Her hands reached inside of her right cowboy boot and slipped out a knife, gesturing it to me._ _

__“Stab me,” she dropped._ _

__“Wh- what? No!” I opposed._ _

__“Look.” Montana leaned. “This is the only way for me to prove to you that everything is real.”_ _

__Shaking my head, I pushed the knife back to her. “Montana, I know we just met today and maybe I seemed a bit hesitant about you at first but you seem like a good person. A great person, actually. I believe everything you said. But, you do not deserve to die. Not like all of those other people.”_ _

__With another exaggerated sigh, she went, “Fine, you pussy. I’ll do it.”_ _

__Swiftly she sliced the knife across her throat, blood pouring out like water from a broken blow-up pool. No hesitation whatsoever. Her eyes glassed over, staring right into my soul. Grabbing my hair, my breath hitched, I screamed Montana’s name. Her body collapsed onto the bed, lifeless arms dropping the blade._ _

__“Oh shit!” I yelled, tears filling up my eyes, “Oh my God, Montana! Why did you fucking do that?”_ _

__Thought raced through my head, my instant thought to call the police. What if she had a family? Friends? There had to be someone out there who cared about her. Hell, I cared about her. Oh God, I had never come across this situation before I just-_ _

__“Hey,” a disembodied voice sounded from behind me. Montana stood, hand on hip. There wasn’t a single care on her face, she was basically unphased. But she was there. Not dead, no scar, no blood. She was fucking right there. I turned back around to where I last saw her body, but the bed was empty._ _

__“But-” I breathed, “But you just-”_ _

__“Died,” she finished for me. Taking a step towards me, her hand rested on my arm. “Told you I’m not crazy.”_ _

__Montana sat me down on the bed because my legs were turning into gelatin, my knees giving in. She sat with me, gathering our hands in my lap. Montana felt bad and could tell that maybe she had gone a little too far. Gotta hand it to her though, it is an effective way to get the point across._ _

__Montana wiped away the tears that were still in my eyes. It’s not like they were because of me witnessing someone die, or, sort of die in front of me. Lately, it felt as if the world had just pushed me off to the side, and I was treated like some sort of bot. The hike out here was so that I could be alone, even though I really didn’t want to be. For the first time in a long time, with Montana, I didn’t feel that way. By the look on her face, the same thing could be said for her._ _

__“Are you going to run now?” she solemnly asked, her voice filled with gloom. Like she had just broke your heart and is trying to figure out the next right move._ _

__Standing up, I crossed my arms. “No… Well, I mean… I do have to go home.”_ _

__“Oh…” Montana trailed._ _

__I picked her head up with my palm. A sturdy look gave her focus on me. “But, it’s not like I’m leaving forever. I just take care of my grandma is all. I have to go home and fix her dinner and stuff.”_ _

__“You’ll come back?” she perked up._ _

__“Yeah,” I reassured, “I’ll come back.” My chest fell and still this didn’t sit right. You could reach out and feel the uncertainty in the room._ _

__A diligent Montana caught on. “What is it?” she said low and hollow._ _

__“How will I know?” I spoke, “That when I wake up tomorrow morning that all of this wasn’t a dream? That everything was real… that you’re real?”_ _

__There was a beat before she rose from the bed. “Here.” Her hands ripped a brass ring lined with miniscule gems off of her finger and slid it onto my hand. I studied the outdated eroding of it._ _

__“You’re not proposing to me, are you? Because then this day will officially be the weirdest day of my life,” I commented._ _

__Montana gave me a light shove. “Relax, space cadet. I’m not a ‘propose on the first date’ kind of girl.” A laugh escaped my mouth. Montana continued, “Just keep this on whenever you go to sleep. Then in the morning, you’ll know I’m still here.”_ _

__I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight. Just to know she was here in this moment. She hugged me back, probably knowing I didn’t feel inclined to do so. Montana, without a doubt, was no Casper, but she sure was something._ _

__Snatching my backpack off the floor, I paused and turned to Montana. “Those other people in the article… assuming they’re here… they’re not going to try and kill me when I come see you, right?”_ _

__Montana smiled. “I’ll put in a good word.”_ _

__On hour long drive home, my brain would not stop replaying images of Montana. Every so often I would fan my fingers on the steering wheel so that I could look at the ring. Each time being a little reminder of the girl who was cloaked in a mystery. After stopping halfway to fill up the tank and buy a crappy gas station iced coffee, I finally arrived home to help Grandma get ready for bed. She had asked me how my day was and I gave her a half-assed answer of “fine”, knowing that she wouldn’t really comprehend any kind of explanation I gave her. Grandma went to sleep with ease, and normally I would stay awake to watch TV or carve little wood sculptures like how my dad and I used to do. Today had been so draining that I slipped into some pajamas and went right to bed. Laying, staring at the ceiling in the dark, I felt around, my fingertips grazing over the ring. Hoping that when I wake it’ll still be there, and so will she._ _

__Grandma started to stir early the next morning and I shot up awake to her calling after me. We got her settled in the living room with breakfast and a marathon of Jeopardy. As I was draping the fleece blanket over her shoulders, she locked onto my ring._ _

__“That’s nice, dear. Where did you find that?” she observed with a hint of bubbly attitude, the most she had possessed in weeks.  
My hands stopped fixing the blanket and I stared at the brass on my finger. Pupils immediately dilated. _Montana… Montana!__ _

__“A friend gave it to me,” I briskly spoke, “Listen, I have some errands to run today, will you be alright?”_ _

__Grandma nodded me off and my feet flew upstairs to get dressed. Unintentionally, I pulled out my most preferred outfit. It was a casual pair of dark leggings with Dad’s windbreaker that was a few sizes too big for me and some boots. When I presented myself in the mirror, my closet screamed at me. Hatching an idea, I dug through to find a bunch of old clothes. Thrift stores were my haven when it came to shopping, so a lot of tired styles occupied my closetspace. In my teens, my mother had also handed down a ton of her stuff that didn’t fit her anymore, clothes that date all the way back to the 70s. Saved us a whole lot of money growing up. People at school always teased me for the way I showed up to school. Not that I was too bothered by it. Some girls have little reminders of their mothers with their clothes because they bought it for them. For me, I took pride in the fact that my reminder was because my mother lived in these clothes. Everyday she would tell me how I looked just like her at my age. To me that’s far more valuable than any trip to The Gap._ _

__Glancing at the time, it was 8:37am. The last thing I wanted was Montana to think that I wasn’t keeping my word. Shoving some makeup and other clothes in my backpack, I looked at the ring and smiled. Grandma was already asleep by the time I had one foot out the door, so I plucked my car keys out of the bowl and ran to my car. Throwing my backpack in the passenger’s side, my tires squealed as I peeled it out of the driveway. A considerable reflection of how I felt driving back to Camp Redwood.  
After I pulled into the off-road section I parked at the day before, I practically sprinted through my path. Some of the grasslands had bounded up from the night, but it didn’t matter because not long after I saw the cabin. Catching my breath, I steadied my pace to walk through the camp. Everything was identical as before, just a bit overcast. _ _

__Montana was nowhere to be seen, but I looked down. The ring was still on my finger. Camp seemed completely empty based off of the uneasy still life. Frowning, I still went searching. A bird chirped here and there while my instincts took me throughout Redwood. Montana’s cabin appeared before me. But where the hell was Montana?_ _

__Throwing me off, hands wrapped around my neck. A raspy scream came from my throat as I had a hard time getting away. “ _Oh good God, not again,_ ” I thought.  
A familiar laugh rang in my ears when the grasp subsided. Montana took my chin in her thumb and pointer finger._ _

__“You’re such a chicken, you know that?” she said._ _

__“You pretend that I didn't almost get murdered yesterday,” I played._ _

__She backhanded my arm. “Are you ever going to fucking let that go?”_ _

__A sly smile formed on my face, seeing Montana right in front of me. Good as gold. Her hand cupped mine and she walked us into her cabin. Just the sheer touch made me feel an emotion I couldn’t really pinpoint. Even from behind she just captures the eye. Her beach blonde hair lightly brushing her open back, strong legs that flex with every step, and her hips… complimenting her… No! No way. It’s day two. I am _not_ crushing on some girl I met just yesterday. _ _

__Montana seductively side-eyed me from across the room. “Didn’t think you’d come back, space cadet,” she said._ _

__“Of course I came back. Why wouldn’t I?”_ _

__Her face fell as she lit up a cigarette. “Nobody’s ever come back for me.” She shook the negative emotion away from herself and paced over to me.  
If repressing feelings was a college major, then I’d be making the Dean’s List every goddamn semester. When others brush off things such as what Montana just said like it’s nothing important, that’s not taken lightly by me. There’s something deeply rooted in Montana, and I was going to dig it up. Just, not right this second. She gained my trust, and now I have to gain hers. _ _

__“I see you still have my ring on,” she commented._ _

__Looking down, I smiled. “It’s kind of a look for me, isn’t it?”_ _

__Standing side by side, Montana took hold of my wrist. A generous giggle came out of her, “You’re right. You’d better keep it, then. It’s best served on your cute little finger.”_ _

__Thank God Montana stepped behind me, because the millisecond I heard her say “cute” I knew my cheeks were blushing. She slid my backpack off and threw it on the bed with a bounce, herself following after._ _

__“I brought some stuff,” I commented, gesturing next to her._ _

__“Oh?” Montana suggested, “Like what?”_ _

__Plopping down at the head of the bed, I stretched with a mini groan. “Look inside my bag.”_ _

__She sat on her knees and immediately went rummaging. Pulling out lip balm, granola bars before eventually tipping the entire open side upside down, letting everything spill out over the comforter._ _

__Montana cocked an eyebrow, “Clothes? And… makeup?”_ _

__“Yeah! Figured you might want a little taste of the outside world.” Montana’s eyes grazed up and she smiled. “Things you missed,” I added._ _

__Montana studied me with a grin and side eye. “Not going to lie, this is pretty rad of you.” She placed a hand on her hip, shaking her head. “But these just look like cheap renditions of styles from when I was alive.”_ _

__Uhhh, yeah. Pretty on the money with that one. Fashion went from timeless 80s/90s to the fever dream that was the early 2000s, and then the comfy casual chic of the late 2010s with a hint of 90s culture. Mom jeans and chunky barbeque dad sneakers for people who are neither moms, dads, or barbecuers._ _

__“ _What_ is this warped piece of shit?” she laughed, displaying an old pair of my distressed jeans on her thighs.  
“Ripped anything is all the craze now,” I responded, trying not to bust out with laughter. The resentment in her voice was validated, as she had impeccable style. Still, what entertainment it was to watch her discover new things._ _

__“Ripped?” she questioned, “On purpose?”_ _

__Picking the pants out of her hands, I replied, “Okay, I’ll admit. I didn’t understand it at first either. But, try some of this stuff on! There’s bound to be at least something you like in here. Then maybe afterwards we can give you winged eyeliner or something.”_ _

__“Wings? Are you turning me into a bird, miss 2020?” she scoffed._ _

__I flashed my teeth, “C’mon, Give me a fashion show!"_ _

__Montana slid one finger across my cheek with a wink. “I’ll give you a show alright.” That sent a shudder down my spine, trying not to think about the way that made me felt and the heat rising to my cheeks. My eyes pleaded and flashed my bottom lip, causing Montana to throw an ample eye roll._ _

__“Fine,” she said, “But if you do my makeup, I have to do yours. Full on ‘84. Got it?”_ _

__“Dealeo!” I hopped a little before bouncing back onto the bed, legged crossed._ _

__Montana slipped off her boots and paused when she caught me staring. I sucked my lips into my mouth and popped them back out. “Sorry,” I said, sliding to face the wall.  
“You can watch me change if you want.” Even though she wasn’t in sight, I knew the end of that sentence ended with a swipe of her tongue on her teeth._ _

__Except for the rubbing of fabric, the rest of the room was silent. The time she spent changing gave me time to think a little. The two of us really knew nothing about each other, and now here we are sharing clothes. Most of it was the basics, though. I’m from Washington, she’s dead. I like to hike, she had to run off a manipulated revengeful serial killer. Just two peas in a pod. Figured what good would the trip back out here be unless we became friends. Like, real friends._ _

__“Why did you stop Xavier?” I piped up._ _

__Sounds of Montana changing stopped for a beat. Probably mapping out a way to explain herself, I thought. She continued changing as she spoke, “There’s always been too much death at this camp. I mean, when we realized we were damned to purgatory we used to slice and dice every single person who walked through here.”_ _

___Oh_. Wasn’t really anticipating the conversation to get to that level so quickly. Guess I forgot the kind of answers I should expect from a literal ghost. Whoops. My eyebrows scrunched. “What made you stop?”_ _

__Behind me was a solemn exhale. Montana continued, “Change of heart. Someone special made me realize that all of my life I lived out of resentment. So, I wanted to change that.”_ _

__“Someone special?” I pondered, “Like, romantically?”_ _

__She snorted, “Something like that. I’m done, by the way.”_ _

__Spinning myself around, I completely ignored the outfit she had put together. By the way she struggled finding the right words, it was easy to see that she had never discussed this before. I mean, she brushed it off like it was no big deal._ _

__“Like it?” she twirled in her new outfit. Gladly, I nodded while she fanned out onto the bed._ _

__“Was it Xavier?” I asked._ _

__Montana stuck out her tongue and mocked a gag. “That wannabe Hollywood boy toy? He fucking wishes.”_ _

__I stifled a laugh. “So there’s nobody out there that you love?”_ _

__Propping up her head with her elbow, she turned over. With pursing lips, she quietly said, “My brother.”  
“Your… brother?” my voice broke, confused._ _

__“Not in like a gross, romantic way,” she took a deep breath, “He was the only person who ever looked at me like a human. Instead of just some trash to throw out on the curb. My best friend growing up was him, the only person I was certain I loved. Especially when our parents went ape shit crazy, he protected me as best as he could.”  
A weight fell in my chest hearing about Montana’s past. A girl with so much pazazz and confidence turned out to have a softer, more tender center. After all, people who suffer the most tend to keep it hidden. A factor I recognized in myself, as well._ _

__As much as I didn’t want to push her, Montana had already trusted me with this sliver of information. So I asked, “What happened?”_ _

__“He died…” she trailed, “The best man at his best buddy’s wedding. It wasn’t his fault, too… I mean, _fuck_. That shit hurt and I was outraged about it. The only way I knew how, I tried my best to heal from it. In the process people got hurt, and that’s a weight I’ll always have to carry.”_ _

__First order signs of crying began to take place in Montana. Her chest heaved, nose growing red, but she ultimately controlled it so that she wouldn’t reach her breaking point._ _

__“But, what about you?” she asked, deterring from the topic of herself._ _

__“Me?”_ _

__“Yeah,” she said, “isn’t there someone out there you love?”_ _

__A fog misted in my mind. No one had ever really asked me something like that before. Until just recently, I had the two people my heart belonged to in my life. We were a charismatic, ordinary American family. Dad owned a bait and tackle shop, and he used to take me out on the boat to fish. Mom loved to cook, and every night she’d teach me a new recipe. Of course, my dishes could never rival hers. We go to the movies, whale watching, sit around the table for dinner. They were such supportive, loving people. Everything I am lived within them._ _

__“My parents,” I whispered, “I had my parents.”_ _

__Montana sat with her mouth agape. “Had?”_ _

__My lips offered a soft side perk. “There was a boating accident recently. Instead of taking the ferry out of the harbor, Dad had his own boat. Mom was worried the ocean was too rough, but Dad insisted we still try to make it back home. The water was so choppy, and about half a mile out from shore we got caught in a riptide. We had harbor patrol watching us, and they managed to pull me out straight away. They just couldn’t grab my parents in time. The water was too strong.”_ _

__“Oh shit,” Montana scooted closer to grab my arm. “That’s fucking awful.”_ _

__My head shook, “I live with my grandma now. It was too difficult to stay in Washington, and she needs my help anyway.”_ _

__“That’s why you moved to California?” she asked._ _

__“Mhm,” I nodded. “Sometimes taking care of grandma is a lot, so yesterday I drove out as far as I thought was necessary and went hiking. Something I used to do back at home to clear my head.”_ _

__Dead silence surrounded us. Neither knowing what to say. Water pooled at the base of my eyes, on the brink of bursting. Until Montana rested her hand on my leg, the other hand cupping my cheek. Resting into her gesture, she simply offered a warm smile._ _

__“Your parent’s death isn’t your fault, you know?” she finally said, “Shit like that just happens. Plus, you still have your grandma.”_ _

__“And you,” I mumbled without thinking._ _

__Montana chewed her lip. “And me,” she repeated, lifting my head greeted by telling eyes._ _

__My emotions slammed the lid shut on the urge to kiss her right then and there. How easy it would be to lean in, grab her face and press her lips to mine. She wouldn’t be opposed. She’s too straightforward about her sexuality to occupy her worries with kissing someone or not. But as vulnerable as we had broke ourselves open today, now wasn’t the time._ _

__“Listen, we had a deal, space cadet,” she murmured, “You owe me a bitchin’ new face.”_ _

__Content washed over me, feeling profoundly comfortable that Montana and I could get on such a personal level so quickly. She reminded me of a dish of creme brulee. Solid and sweet exterior, but with one tap of a spoon crackling open into a gooey, warm center._ _

__Forty minutes had gone by and I was done piecing together the perfect blend of smokey blues and greys to pair with my former go-to formal dress, laced black fanning out at the waist. It presented a solid, “Damn” when she glanced in the mirror. Switching roles, Montana had been careful in choosing what products she used, hence a lot of them being new to her. She pushed me back onto the bed and straddled my waist to apply the eyeshadow and blush. The way her face contorted in concentration made me giggle and she had to stop every few seconds to ask me what was so funny. Truly, she looked attractive doing anything. Montana did a decent job at my makeup, and I grabbed my phone out of my jacket pocket._ _

__“Come here,” I demanded. Montana scooted off of the bed as I held my phone up to the air, self facing camera on us._ _

__“The hell are you doing?” she asked._ _

__“Selfie. C’mon!” I pleaded._ _

__Montana leaned into my stance, weaving her fingers with mine. “What the fuck do you do?”_ _

__“It’s a camera. You smile, dummy,” I teased._ _

__Puzzled, Montana looked to the phone and smiled anyway. It made a shutter sound when I pressed the button and Montana’s eyes lit up._ _

__“No way!” she gasped, “Does it do anything else?”_ _

__I held up a finger. Montana tried to ask me again but I threw my hand over her mouth. She crossed her arms and popped a hip out while I tapped away on my phone.  
“There!” I announced with pride. Turning the phone to Montana, I opened up the lock screen to the picture we just took flashing before us._ _

__“Whoa,” she breathed in shock, “That’s rad.”_ _

__“Now I’ll always have you in two seperate places,” I beamed._ _

__“Two?” she wondered._ _

__Raising my hand, I flaunted the ring like it wasn’t obvious._ _

__The rest of the day was spent mixing and matching clothes. Montana even broke out some of her old numbers that she collected over the years and made me catwalk them in the cabin. Eventually got too exhausted to try on anything else. I suggested we go out strolling throughout the camp, and Montana agreed. She danced around me as we walked. The moment she linked her arm with mine, gently curling her fingers on my forearm I had to dart my face to the side to hide the fact I was turning almost vermillion. Montana and I burned through what felt like a million different topics until the light turned into dark and we had to rely on only our knowledge of the camp to get around. She guided us to the dock, our original meeting place. We sat as close as we could get next to each other, wading our feet in the water._ _

__Montana pointed to a bushy area to the left of the dock, “See that right there?”_ _

__“A tree?”_ _

__“Okay, don’t bug out. But when you walked into camp yesterday, I followed you. Right down to the dock. I hid behind that tree right there.”_ _

__Thinking nothing of it, I scoffed until I replayed the events from yesterday in my mind. The snapping branches that followed me before Xavier found me. That wasn’t just a coincidence, it was my original thoughts. Someone was following me. God damn beach blonde pulled a Pink Panther on me._ _

__“Why?” I asked, hiding my obvious smile._ _

__“You looked different than the other packs of people that have walked through the camp,” she said, “You looked…sweet.”_ _

__My gaze got lost in her tender expression. I pushed my lips to the side._ _

__“People come in here knowing about all of the murders,” she continued, “just wanting a taste of that same adrenaline we all felt. For once was nice to have someone who were just like us. Wanting to get lost in the woods.”_ _

__That last comment melted my stomach. A keen sense of intuition was present in Montana from the start, but she was masked with power of authority. It was only now, day two that she began to let me dig for treasure underneath. So, I did something new. My lips smacked onto her cheek and as mad as it was for a girl like Montana, she blushed. Something stirred inside of us that day, whether it be friendship was one thing, but anything further be another. Something lost and something found; one space cadet and one big dummy._ _

__

__Three seasons passed, but not a single day went by that I didn’t go visit Montana at Camp Redwood. All components of her past were my little secret, and the same was reciprocated with me. She eventually introduced me to Chet, Ray, and Bertie who were also condemned onto camp. If there were anybody that didn’t do purgatory right, it was them. Everyday the slugged around the dirt, bored out of their minds. They didn’t really pay much attention to us either, aside from the occasional Xavier shouting, “Get a cabin, Lesbos!”._ _

__Montana and I weren’t in a relationship, but the tension between us grew with tremendous velocity. To which we both brushed to the side because who wants to get hung up on someone in purgatory? Plus, what would happen to me? We never brought up the topic. Grounds we didn’t plan to walk on anytime soon. Not like it mattered, because we had plenty of other distractions for ourselves._ _

__Each morning I would get my grandmother ready to relax for the day, pack my car up with surprise trinkets from home, and trek the hour to the campgrounds. My self-beaten path had been walked on so many times that it broke into fresh soil. Sometimes I would move boulders in the entryway just on the off-chance that anyone dared to come down that path into the camp. The dirt lead me to the abandoned cabin where Montana would lounge against, waiting everyday for me to come down that path.  
“Hey babe,” she’d greet with a hand grab, dragging me to her quarters._ _

__Most days I had brought my laptop for movies. A folding computer being a completely foreign concept on it’s own, but one that you can bring wherever you want? Montana just couldn't wrap her head around it. Our usual ritual was inhaling the grocery bags of snacks I got for her to try: Pop Chips, funky flavored Oreos, some gluten free crap I snagged off the shelves, and I even caved to some of the trendy stuff from the internet like kombucha._ _

__“Oh, what the fuck?” Montana spit out the kombucha the second it touched her tongue, “People like this shit? It tastes like a gamy wasteland!”_ _

__I swallowed my giggle. “That’s why I never drink it.”_ _

__Then, I’d let Montana choose between my collection of DVDs. Our goal was to watch at least one a day, if not more. Sometimes it would get too stuffy in the cabin and we’d go for a mini dip in the lake, but most of the time she opted for movies. Even though I assured her to choose whichever one she wanted, she always asked which ones were my favorite. She didn’t care much for the classic rom-coms like 50 First Dates or musical ones like Pitch Perfect, but blew through the entire Paranormal Activity movies and The Conjuring series in one sitting. Also, even though she wouldn’t care to admit this, I would purposely turn to watch her eyes light up each time the opening credits flew onto the screen during Star Wars._ _

__One day as we were bundled together in a plethora of thin blankets, having just finished another movie, Montana’s head scanned the room._ _

__“These walls are so empty,” she almost painfully said._ _

__I agreed, and it wasn’t fair for her to just live staring at the four unchanging walls for years on end. So, the next morning I snatched the battery operated fairy lights from over my bed at home, shoveled some art supplies in a box, and stole an extra picture frame from my dresser that just had the default couple you get with every 4x8 frame.  
When I arrived, Montana helped me lug everything across camp to her cabin._ _

__“Christ, do you have a pet rock collection I don’t know about? This thing is fucking heavy,” she grunted._ _

__“We’re almost there, Tana.” I hiked up my side of the box._ _

__“You guys dragging a body or something?” Xavier called out, leisurely leaning on a tree._ _

__I threw daggers in his direction. “We’ll drag yours if you keep running your mouth like that.”_ _

__He threw up his hands in surrender. Montana smirked._ _

__“Wow babe, looks like I’m rubbing off on you,” she said._ _

__We brought in the box of supplies and spent the day painting canvases to hang up all around her room. For the frame, I painted a portrait of the two of us to replace the ashtray on her bedside table. While Montana was finishing up a gradient mountain view, I took the time to string the lights across the window above the bed. Every once in awhile I’d glance down to see how she was coming along. Montana was an impressive painter, better than anything I could have done. It’s sad to see that all this time her talent was being wasted away in this stupid camp. The only thing I really hated about Redwood was the fact that Montana was trapped here forever. Never would she experience all of things someone our age gets to do. The thought escaped my mind when she held up the finished product to me and smiled. I returned the smile, _perfect as always_. _ _

__The cabin was decorated, and both our minds were worn with creating new ideas for the paintings so I threw on the movie Titanic for us to have as background noise. At least for me, Montana was a bit intrigued to see how they made a movie on something she had only learned about in school._ _

__“When did this movie come out?” she asked._ _

__“1997,” I said, “Same year I was born._ _

__Calculating something in her head, Montana sat up and did a soft “Hm.”_ _

__“What is it?” I asked her._ _

__“We’re both twenty-two.”_ _

__That wasn’t a mystery. Montana was twenty-two when she died and I had my birthday right before I moved to California. By some whiff of chance, we both happened to be the same age. But, nothing signaled why she was bringing this up now._ _

__“Is it your birthday soon?” she asked me._ _

__“In a month or two, why?”_ _

__“Are you going to do anything to celebrate?”_ _

__I shook my head. “Grandma barely remembers who I am anymore, missing my birthday won’t be that big of a deal to her. Plus, what’s the point if you won’t even be with the ones you love?”_ _

__Montana’s face fell. Instant regret poured over me. Of course I loved Montana. It’s just we had never even come close to saying that to each other, in any kind of context. Had I secretly been in love with her for the past year, absolutely. But, I didn’t even know if she wanted that. Hell, I didn’t even know if I wanted that. How can we have a relationship when one person turns silver and the stays gold? It’d be a whole mess in itself, I’d become a burden that Montana didn’t deserve._ _

__She released a mute sigh. “Do you remember the day you came back for me?”_ _

__“Of course I do,” I said, sitting up and mimicking her position._ _

__“Well…” her mind tried to make up what to say. “That whole day I held my breath just waiting for you to come back. So many people had made empty fucking promises to come back and see me. Not a single soul keep their word. Not one. Eventually, I stopped holding my breath… until you wandered into camp.”_ _

__Montana wasn’t an emotional person. She had only ever opened up to me, and explained that she didn’t even let her brother see her cry. No matter how upset she was, Montana Duke didn’t let anyone know how she felt. If they saw she was vulnerable, they could easily take advantage of her. She kept her dominance high by keeping her emotions low. But now, we sat. One single tear running down her cheek._ _

__“You were the one person who came back,” she continued, “But that wasn’t what made me start feeling this way, because I already knew. Yeah, I’m suggestive and flirtatious as all fucking hell but with you…” She took a moment to regroup her thoughts. “When you comforted me when I talked about my brother, that was the only time someone cared enough to listen. And when you talked about your parents dying, my heart just broke,” she croaked, “No one else, not the losers who are stuck here, not any of the people that walk the rest of the earth today would do all of the things you do for me. So when you came back, still having that goddamn ring around your finger. That’s when I knew…I knew I loved you.”_ _

__My mouth lay open, my face stained with tears. My breaths started to hiccup before I swiped away the moisture from my eyes and prepared with a deep breath.  
“Tana,” I said, “I’ve loved you this whole entire time. Which is like, kind of a big deal because after Mom and Dad, I didn’t think I would be able to love anyone again. Then, I moved to California and it was like everything was swept under the rug. It was you…you taught me how to love again.”_ _

__Montana pressed her eyebrows together and tilted her head like a puppy. We hadn’t even realized but our hands were piled in my lap. Our heated breath mixed in with one another, faces almost touching._ _

__“Can I kiss you?” she asked._ _

__Quickly I nodded my head and her lips smashed against mine, flattening onto her face. She hungrily pushed into me, mouth open. Her smooth complexion grazed against my cheek, while I hung onto her hair like I didn’t want to lose her. I wasn’t going to lose her. She wasn’t going to lose me._ _

__

__Montana was my first kiss, my first girlfriend, and my first love. There’s always that saying that time just seems to fly by when you’re in love. That’s not true. I mean, come on, it’s a cliche. Time doesn’t fly because when the love is true, mad, and deep, it soars. We had only blinked and all of a sudden I was twenty-five and Montana stayed twenty-two. In the mirror I saw very faint traces of smile wrinkles permanently creased around my eyes. Foundation easily covered that up, but sometimes I just worried when makeup wouldn’t be enough. The thought crossed my mind frequently, but Montana was quick with a kiss to make me forget._ _

__We celebrated the past three birthdays together. On my twenty-fourth, Montana had forced everyone to make gifts and got Bertie to bake a cake. It was kind of a bust, since I waited in Montana’s cabin for twenty minutes before Xavier came and lured me into the surprise party trap. Everyone mostly gave me stuff that was stowed away in Maragret Booth’s cabin, but still the gesture was well appreciated. The summer of 2021 I taught Montana how to carve wood, using every tactic Dad used on me to really grasp the skill. So on that birthday, Montana surprised me with a perfectly crafted bear. Like I said, she was more creative than she looks._ _

__Montana and I were on cloud nine. Days were spent reading, swimming and, as all couples do, experimenting with each other. Unless the heat index was unbearable, as it got in the summer. Guess I could thank Xavier, us “lesbos” did get a cabin._ _

__On one of the more cloudy, cooler days Montana told me how much she missed playing music from vinyls. There was a record player in her room, but shocking enough, not a single square inch of Camp Redwood had a dusty old record laying around._ _

__It’s not too often I dipped into my parent’s inheritance to me. A lot of it was supposed to be saved for college, but I don’t even think I was going to get a degree anyway. Taking a different exit on my pit stop, I pulled into a mall and picked up two vinyl discs at the store one Sunday morning on my drive to camp: Billy Idol’s Rebel Yell, and an artist I had been hiding from Montana, One Direction’s album Made in the A.M._ _

__“They’re called the modern day Beatles,” I explained._ _

__Her hands grazed over Rebel Yell and responded, “Well that’s one way to piss off everyone from my generation.”_ _

__Montana was way too ecstatic about Billy Idol for us to even think about Made in the A.M. Day by day it collected dust in the corner. The record played on repeat until there were enough scratches to permanently ruin the disc. We would jump up and down on the bed, positive that at any moment the frame would cave. It was pure bliss, dancing around the cabin, even on remarkably dry days. Which turned out to be a factor I found weird. It hadn’t rained in all the years I’d been to Camp Redwood. Montana said it used to, storms come back eventually. As it’s said; when it rains, it pours._ _

__

__At the beginning of July, my grandmother passed away. It happened during the middle of the night, neither me or our housekeeper knew until the morning. For three days I didn’t drive to Redwood. Mostly because there wasn’t a single chance I could get away. The responsibility of Grandma fell on my shoulders, thus did all of the arrangements for her service. The grief exhausted me with every waking moment._ _

__Grandma’s lawyer had shown up on day four, told me that in their will, my parents had given her our old house in Washington, which was then passed onto me since everyone in our family was now gone. My heart sank as he handed me the papers._ _

__“It costs $800,000 to keep? ” I hoarsed, reading the deed to the property, “I can’t afford that.”_ _

__Grandma’s lawyer tried to lay a comforting hand on my shoulder, which I immediately shrugged off. “You can put it on the market if you want,” he said, “But just to warn you, that house had been abandoned for so many years. It’s going to take a lot of work before you’re going to want to contact a real estate agent.”_ _

__“How much work?” I shrieked._ _

__“Well, with insulation, new siding, floors. It’ll take at least a year. Maybe more.”_ _

__Anger ridden in my face, my lips pursed with a hasty “thank you” to the lawyer and told the housekeeper to start filtering through Grandma’s stuff. Slamming the door on my way out, I threw myself into my car and drove straight to Camp Redwood. A downpour pelted my windshield while I flew across the interstate. Took me forty minutes to get there that day._ _

__When I put the car in park, I slammed the door shut and sprinted down the hill, mud making me slide with every step. By the time I got to the opening of the camp, my clothes were drenched, and my chest was on fire from running, but I continued on. Passing the dock, Xavier shouted something stupid from underneath one of the surrounding roofs.. Twisting the doorknob to her cabin, I slammed my shoulder, my tears barging in. An unexpecting Montana, who had been flipping through a magazine, threw everything off to the side and caught me before I fell onto the ground in a heap of wails._ _

__Scream. All I could do was scream, clutching into Montana’s arm, my nails digging into the fabric of her shirt. There were no questions asked at first. Not that I would do much talking anyway. Some of me was in pure grief, but the more of my emotions was anger. I was angry at Grandma not telling me about the house. I was angry that I wasn’t there when she was clearly ailing. I was angry at my parents for giving the house to her. I was angry at them for dying. So, I screamed. Until there was no voice left in me._ _

__Montana had placed me on the bed, making sure I was calm, or at least almost there, before she pressed for anything. Finally, no more tears came out of me, and with heavy eyes I looked up. Her delicate smile told me that it was alright to talk. She wasn’t mad I hadn’t come back for the past three days. She wasn’t upset that my parents unintentionally gave me their property. Montana was breaking with me, hating the fact that I had this put on my shoulders. My head rested in her lap as she repeatedly ran her fingers through my hair._ _

__“The house is too much money to keep,” I mumbled, my voice detached and clinical, “I’m going to have to go back to Washington.”_ _

__Montana placed a slow, soft kiss on my forehead. “It’s okay, babe.”_ _

__Bigger tears welled up in my eyes the more I spoke, “But it’s not okay. Once I’m done paying for all of the repairs, I’m not going to have enough funds to move back to California. I’m going to have to pay to live somewhere around the harbor while I fix everything. Even money my parents left me is running out and Grandma didn’t have much.”_ _

__“Baby-”_ _

__“No!” I sharply cut her off, “We were supposed to be here together. Everyday until I died I was supposed to be here with you,” my voice grew deeper, until a still wave rolled over me. “Wait…” I trailed._ _

__Montana looked confused as I got up and dove into one of her drawers._ _

__“Babe,” she slowly rose from the bed, “What are you doing?”_ _

__Slinging out my hand once I felt it, I flashed her old knife in front of my face. Montana’s pupils bulged._ _

__“Listen, I know you’re upset. But this is not the answer,” Montana cautioned towards me._ _

__“But we can be together. Forever,” my brittle voice sounded._ _

__This way there would be no money, no house, no Washington. Montana was all I ever wanted, everything I needed. At this point I was willing to pull a Romeo and Juliet just to keep things the way the were._ _

__“Please baby,” she breathed, two tears falling out of her eyes in sync, “Give me the knife.”_ _

__“No, I-… I can’t-”_ _

__She kept slowly inching towards me, “ _Please,_ ” she whispered._ _

__My grip on the knife grew tighter, my knuckles turning white. Montana’s eyes watched as my hand shook, ready to pounce at me the second I make a move. Her arm reached out to take the dagger away from me. Montana doesn’t want me to die, she doesn’t want my soul trapped here. Not when I already feel as trapped as it is._ _

__“I just… don’t know if I can… do it by myself,” I gravelly said._ _

__“You can, baby,” she whispered again, “I know you can.”_ _

__Again, my chest heaved and I blubbed out tears, loosening my grip. I heard Montana exhale and she slipped the knife out of my hand, making a thud when she threw it on the dresser behind me. Her arms taut around my body, tears soaking my shirt._ _

__Neither Montana or me needed to say anything after that. It had hit us by this point that I was going to move back to Washington, leaving behind California. Rain pounded even harder on the windowsill, where I looked to see the paintings we had made back in 2020. My eyes moved from one side of the room to the other, and that’s when I saw the One Direction album peeping from underneath the record player._ _

__Prying Montana off of me, I paced my way to where my gaze met. The record had been used, letting me know that she had taken a listen on the days that I was gone. Using the second disc, I flipped it over, placing it on the turntable. I was slow, slothlike, no energy left in my body. My finger pressed the switch on and getting eye level with the needle, I dropped it right on the song I wanted._ _

__Soft piano filled the room, and I pivoted to Montana, holding out a weak hand. She sympathetically slumped her shoulders, lacing her fingers in mine. We swayed to the soft voices of the song surrounding us._ _

___For your eyes only, I’ll show you my heart_  
_For when you’re lonely and forget who you are_  
_A missing half of me when we’re apart_  
_Now you know me. For your eyes only_ _ _

__That was the second time I had ever seen Montana cry. She didn’t beg me to spend the night with her because we both know that if that happened I would never leave. Outside the sweet scent of flowers enhanced from the rain, most musty aroma coming from the lake. A couple distant drips of water here and there. For the last time, I turned around to Montana, her face so broken and fargone. She stood there, the same big brown eyes that greeted me three years ago._ _

__“I’ll always come back for you, Montana,” was my last call to her.  
Just for a split second before I turned around to start up the steps, I saw her smile._ _

__

__Ten years later I was thirty-five years old. The day after Montana and I said our solemn goodbyes, my car was packed with what little I had to go back to the harbor I grew up in. There began my new life. My parent’s house was finished in two years, which I ended up living in. Figured since our family always had the deed, might as well not waste my time or resources relocating. The only downside being I had to spend the next eight years working a deadend job as a receptionist to pay off the repairs. It was a company that I knew there was no position to move up in, but whatever paid the bills. Each day the ring Montana gave me was on my finger. Everytime my boss shouted at the office or answering telephones was all I saw in my little crystal ball, she crossed my mind. When I had a comfortable amount of money saved up, I road tripped down to California. My car wasn’t in the best of shape, but got me through Washington and Oregon. Arriving at Camp Redwood, the first person I saw wasn’t Montana._ _

__Xavier had been fiddling with a loose belt buckle in his hand when he saw me enter on to the camp. He gave me a monotone “Hey” before stopping dead in his tracks when his brain connected the dots. To mine and his surprise, he ran up to hug me._ _

__“Holy fuck, is that you?” he yelled._ _

__Flashing my teeth, I shrugged. “Do I look that different?”_ _

__I watched his face go from pure joy to _Oh shit_. Leaving me in the dusty annex, he ran off screaming, “Montana! Montana she’s back!”_ _

__Trailing a little back behind, he had disappeared for a short second into Montana’s cabin before opening the door and pointing towards me._ _

__Faintly, I could hear him say, “Yeah? You don’t believe me? Look!”_ _

__Out of the shadows she peered out for safety, squinting to get a better look._ _

__Then, those big brown eyes got wide. “Oh my God!” she yelled, then took off in a full-on sprint, tackling me to the ground. She grabbed my face, showering it with kisses._ _

__“Look at you! Look at those bags under your eyes!”  
“Ugh, do you hate them?” I asked.  
“ _Love them!_ ” she beamed._ _

__The rest of the trip had to be brief, and she understood that a receptionist only pays for so much. Even if these days everything was a lot more expensive than what she’s used to. We gave our goodbyes, same spot as always. Before I left, again, I said, “I’ll always come back for you, Montana.”_ _

__This time she looked okay. Happy. Content. She had never doubted my word, even on the days when I didn’t show up. We agreed that ten years later, I would always come back to Camp Redwood. Unfortunately, as we had come to know, always is never enough._ _

__

__Budget cuts were made at work and the more I grew older, the more my body started to shut down on me. Plopping myself down at a computer everyday, barely having time to get on my feet gave me extreme joint pain. The first picture Montana and I took sat on my desk. Each day felt further and further away from her. Guilt hung over me like a rain cloud._ _

__Ten years turned into seventeen before I made it to Camp Redwood again. My poor car spitting out smoke every fifty miles or so during the trip down. There was barely any money to fix it, but I was still determined to make it back to Montana. Eventually when I made it back to Camp Redwood, my rusty piece of crap broke down for good. Everything in my body hurt as I trailed my way into camp. Lucky for me, Chet Clancy had heard my loud muffler pulling into my spot and got Montana to meet me at the base of the hill._ _

__“Are you hurting, babe?” she asked, having me lean on her shoulder for support._ _

__I reassured her that I would be fine, but it took us longer to make it even to the dock. When I couldn’t make it to Montana’s cabin, we decided to stay in the abandoned one near my entrance into camp instead. Ray and Xavier ran to grab us blankets and some extra mats for us to sleep on. This side of the camp was dead silent compared to where we used to be. We didn’t go anywhere, there wasn’t any dancing or diving. We just rested. It was all I could do. During the night Montana and I faced each other. She studied me._ _

__“How bad is it?” she asked._ _

__“Tana, it’s okay,” I said, “Arthritis is normal for someone my age.”_ _

__“No. I mean, how bad is it out there?” she whimpered._ _

__I hesitated, “What do you mean?”_ _

__Montana flopped onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. “I think me, Xavier, Bertie, and the rest of us really take for granted how much we’re barricaded, even if it is practically hell. I mean, right now we could be worrying about what our next move in life needs to be, or where our money is coming from, if there’s someone out there to get us. I mean there is _nothing_ for us to be afraid of. We just…” she turned to face me, “we’re like that lion movie we watched. What was it they said? The no worries crap?”_ _

__“Huakuna Matata?” I offered._ _

__“Yeah,” she breathed, completely relaxed, “Just like that. We’re living in Huakuna Matata.”_ _

__After Montana fell asleep, my mind kept replaying her question. _How bad is it?_ She didn’t think of it the way I did. Her mind came up with a macro scale of life. But for me, everything came crashing down. _How bad is it?_ My dead end job, ailing body right before my very eyes, a car that won’t run. _How bad is it?_ My girlfriend is still twenty-two while I’m packing on fifty-two. Breaking every last promise I had ever kept to her. The only person I had left that I loved. Constant oblivion each time I step foot back into this camp, wondering whether or not she’ll recognize me. Afraid that if I step out, I’ll never see her again._ _

___How bad is it?_ _ _

__It’s fucking hell._ _

__The next morning, Montana and Xavier walked me as far as the curse allowed them to go. Montana gave me a kiss on the cheek goodbye, batting solemn eyes. The three of us stood on the barren ground, having no idea what the future held for me._ _

__“Will you come back?” she asked, a tear rolling down her face.  
“I’ll always come back for you, Montana,” I replied.  
Montana backed up next to Xaiver, watching as time ticked away, myself treading up the hill._ _

__

__At 68 I retired, working a few extra years for a little extra cash. Most of it was needed to pay off the crappy used car I had to use after my other one broke down at Redwood. The rest went into a separate fund. People would ask me what I was saving all of that extra money for, and I just gave the same, simple answer every time, “To visit an old friend.” Same excuse I gave to my grandma when I went to go see Montana._ _

__On my 84th birthday, I took a Greyhound bus down to California. From the Greyhound there was a cab around the area who gave me a ride down to the path. At exactly sunset I wanted to make it down the hill. So we pulled into my man made gravel lot at 6:15pm. Orange sky busted out over the treeline._ _

__“This is it?” my driver repulsed._ _

__Without saying anything, I opened the door. He came around the side, and helped me down, making sure I had my cane. My backpack, now extremely tattered and worn, was already on my back. The fresh, crisp night air hit my nostrils, flooding me with nostalgia._ _

__“You’re going down there?” the driver asked. He offered to help but I made sure to let him know I was perfectly fine on my own. With a shrug he got in the cab and drove away. My path had been heavily grown over by the grass, but I didn’t need a path. My heart knew where to go, just as it had sixty-two years ago. Took me longer than expected, but I finally made it all the way down._ _

__Shuffling, my trail was planned. The anticipation for this special trip was unbearable. My plans were in line the second I decided to go back for the very last time. Stopping my cane, I stared at the sign. _Camp Redwood_. Closing my eyes, there was a flash of sunshine and the smell of dirt, my legs hot and sticky._ _

__“Babe?” a voice snapped me out of my thoughts. Husky. Deep. Young._ _

__My lids flew open, she stood clad in her skin tight zebra print dress, bright red jacket hugging her arms. Identically colored lipstick pigmented on her lips. My legs wouldn’t let me, but I wanted to run. Wasn’t necessary anyway, she came for me instead. Her gasp was gentle, but firm._ _

__“I can’t believe it, is it really you?” she boomed, in obvious shock._ _

__Hell, I couldn’t believe she remembered me with all of the work aging did to my skin. My face just proved the fact that aging cream is nothing but a myth. Montana’s carefree nature ecstatic energy bounced all around before she stopped, one big smile on her face._ _

__“Happy birthday, babe,” she whispered._ _

__Pulling away and using her arms for balance, I brushed my hand against her cheek._ _

__“You remembered,” I whistled._ _

__She hugged me again. “How could I remember anything else?”_ _

__Not daring to show it, this was hard for Montana, seeing me like this. It’s always painful to watch your loved one struggle. Doesn’t help that I hadn’t been here for a bunch of years. Montana probably thought I’d never return, that I’d failed her. Yet, still gazed into my eyes with the same sparkle she always possessed._ _

__Smirking, I said, “I have something for you.”_ _

__“For me?” she protested, “Uh, space cadet? It’s _your_ birthday.”_ _

__My head shook. “Take me to the dock,” I said._ _

__Before she could object, I grabbed my cane and made my way in that direction. I used her arm for support as she followed. No questions asked. When we made it to the dock, I turned my back to her._ _

__“Grab my bag, okay?” I said._ _

__Montana cocked and eyebrow but did as I told. Bringing my backpack around to the front. Opening it up I reached inside, pausing to look at Montana. Nothing but the croaking frogs and chirping crickets on the lake stood in our presence. My old lungs inhaled a deep breath as best they could, taking everything in before looking Montana in the eyes._ _

__Making sure her gaze was still on me, I spoke with frail words, “I should have done this the day you kissed me.” Unfolding my hand revealed a dagger._ _

__Montana quickly covered my palm. “No, what are you doing!?”_ _

__“My life is over, Tana,” I said, “I wasted it away at a job I hated, with people I hated, living a life I hated. When I could have been here all along, with the person I love.”  
It took her a moment, but she understood fully. She knew what I wanted all along. Proving it the day I left California, proving it now._ _

__“Once you do this, that’s it. You’ll never be able to go back,” she said._ _

__I touched her cheek. “My Tana, if I wait any longer there will be nothing to go back to.”_ _

__Accepting my newfound fate, she grabbed my shoulders to steady me. My hands shook with my grip. Closing my eyes, my mind flashed to our first meeting. Cowboy boots in my face, helping me up, those alluring eyes. My mind was finally at peace. Grasping, the knife struck straight through my stomach. Montana cried out as I went down. So many dead bodies had crossed her path, but the love of her life dying before her was a pain she never wanted to feel, even if it was only temporary. She collapsed along with my body, resting me in her lap. Just her thumb caressed my face, brushing my cheekbone._ _

__“It okay, baby,” she hiccuped in between sobs, “You can go now.”_ _

__As I slipped away, Montana glued her eyes shut. She drew shaky breaths before there was nothing left. Just empty air cradling her arms._ _

__From behind her, my young voice perked up. “Tana?” I called._ _

__Montana pivoted her head to look over her shoulder, gasping. Immediately bursts into more tears. A fresh, yet former body enveloped in my soul. There were no more aches and pains, no more wrinkles and smudges. Draped in the same clothes I wore the day I stepped foot into Camp Redwood. I was me again. I was twenty-two.  
Montana’s feet took off and she threw herself onto me, viciously enveloping me in a kiss. My legs steadied to hold her weight before her feet felt the creaking dock beneath us. Our embraced syncopated, pulling away simultaneously._ _

__“You’re- young!” she screamed, “You’re you! But, fucking how?”_ _

__In disbelief I shrugged, “Guess the curse is kind with age.”_ _

__Montana bit her bottom lip, chastely kissing me again._ _

__I looked her up and down, before asking, “Do you still love me?”_ _

__She shook her head like a madman, “You make me feel more alive than anyone ever has,” she replied, “I’ll love you forever, space cadet.”_ _


End file.
